With a hot new season of ‘Empire’ and a memoir on the horizon, Sidibe will not be held back, as she covers latest edition of Nylon Magazine. The actress, talked about her weight-loss surgery, career and more in the issue…
Read excerpts below:
On her role in Precious: At that point I kind of had a lot of practice acting. I grew up pretending I was okay when I wasn’t.
On her father: For a long time, my father was dead to me. I didn’t want to justify his actions, but it’s interesting to see what’s behind them. The six-year-old in me is still pissed, but I don’t think I am a victim. I don’t want people to shed tears for me. He beat me, but we have all been through shit.
On writing a book about her life: A lot of people will write a book and pretend that whatever they are writing about they are done with, and now they are perfect. I’m not perfect. I am just as fucked up. I am who I am, and all of this shit in my life will be a struggle forever…but I’m fine. Well, I’m becoming fine.
On being told she was too overweight and dark to be on a magazine cover once: It really devastated me. I guess I thought that going from literally nothing to the lead in the movie would show people that I wouldn’t be just fat anymore, or at least that’s not the first thing people would think of me, that I’m not too fat or too black or ghetto or nappy—that wouldn’t be part of my narrative anymore, but it was.
On being bulimic in high school: I always wanted to throw up because I was so sad. I really liked challenging myself to not eat for three days. Sometimes I would eat a slice of bread and drink a bottle of water just to throw it up.
On her body: You don’t get to talk about my body if you like it or not; it’s my body. And yeah, I have been struggling with weight my entire life. I realize that as long as I have a body, it will be a struggle.
On her sex scene in Empire: I wasn’t gyrating on top of him or anything, but it was awkward filming at first—what we shot but didn’t air was a lot worse because I’m a sexual deviant. It was only a big deal, though, because I happen to be in this body, this body that I have had my entire life and career. You all knew I was fat then; don’t turn on the TV and still be surprised I am fat. It implies that people with bigger bodies don’t find love and aren’t worth loving. Why don’t I deserve it? Because I’m not skinny? I love my body and I deserve love. We all do at any size.